Love is the most wonderful feeling in the world. It lights up your soul and makes everything look perfect.
On the flipside, Love also hurts. A lot. It can be magical but it can also be unbearably hard. Even if you are already in committed relationship and don’t need to worry if your love is reciprocated, there are so many circumstances and obstacles that can make your life together a living hell. If you are in a same sex relationship, the same rules apply, of course, but, unfortunately, you have the added pressure from a still very prejudiced society to deal with.
Marriage is supposed to be a very wanted and cherished bond between two people that love each other unconditionally. In the moment you tie the knot, Love is there, and you know you are changing your life a great deal. You’ll be sharing the same space and material possessions, trying to fit in each others’ circle of family and friends and dividing responsibilities and decisions for the rest of your lives, among other things. This is nothing like dating is it? It’s about working each day with your spouse in a loving, tolerant and compromising way. The thing is sometimes you are both challenged with situations that are just too overwhelming. Too much pain or too many bad memories are involved. When you get to the point when your relationship is on a self destructive spiral, you need to figure out if your problems can be resolved or if it’s actually the end of the road. If you are not ready to quit and are determined to fight for your relationship, by all means, you should look for outside help.
Counseling is one of the tools you have available to heal your shattered relationship. First of all, you must find a therapist. Not just anyone, but someone with which you can relate to and feel comfortable with and arrange a way to have a session a week, for example. This is a determinant step in the right direction. You’ll be:
On unbiased ground: you’ll know the therapist is not there to take sides, instead he will hear you both and try to work out your differences;
Taking advantage of a professional and objective perspective: you’re both too involved in the problem to look at it properly – the therapist will do that for you, giving you a clearer, more objective view of things;
Releasing your negative vibes: you’ll be able to vent your feelings and frustrations in a friendly environment, without fear;
Analyzing your reactions: you’ll discover what triggers your anger and other hurtful feelings towards each other;
Learning how to deal with negative and stressful situations;
Setting goals regarding what you need to accomplish and to work on;
Doing homework to complement each session;
Working with a qualified, understanding person on making your marriage/partnership stronger.
It’s also very important that you try to focus in resolving the issues at hand and don’t get fixated on past mistakes. You need to forgive yourself and your partner in order to go forward. Remember: you want to heal the wounds and not scratch them open. You love this person and he/she loves you. That is the most important requirement needed for a life together. You’re one of the lucky ones if you have true love in your life.